Dengar lagu MCR boleh menjadikan kita emo eh? terbukti malam nih... seronok bila dapat face to face clarify bout misteri2 yg bermain dalam fikiran. it hurts. but hell, everything dalam hidup camtu.. benda yg wat kita happy is the thing yg leh wat kita sad.. hakikat, create & destroy umpama 2 sides of a coin.. cam katak, its strength and its weakness is its skin.. due to the permeable membrane of its skin, it can breathe thru its skin making that as an advantage.. takdela obstruction ke ape lancau cam manusia kena asthma.. but, if water tu polluted, skin dia akan tak dapat kwal toxic dan poison yg masuk dalam tubuh dia..
Nak wat camne, sometimes I know I can't be selfish.. but terlampau happy gave me that effect sometimes.. bila secure n hepy sgt pun takleh.. bila insecure it hurts n takleh gak..
Hati... dalam bahasa arab, Kalbu.. bermaksud something cam ombak, berolak alik.. nothing can satisfy it.. eventho for skang aku merasakan dah orait ada nset, tapi penah gak terpikir nak beli nset lagi canggih.. nak wat camne? tula hati, kalbu.. but, self control and good reasoning laa menjadikan aku tak beli.. seperti nanti kena ikat perut then nset sedia ada pun dah okay.. Successful ppl akan channel tenaga kalbu nih kepada competitive spirit yg menjadikan dorang strive above the rest, but terdapat gak orang yang biasa2 menjadikan ia reason to be down.. even ada jenis (kdg2 aku penah terlintas) utk give up bila tak dpt puaskan hati..
Nevertheless.. KITA PATUT BERSYUKUR.. alhamdullilah :)
I don't expect I cud ctrl it all the time, just as fair as I don't expect org leh control it all the time as well.. Most of the time is okay, thats why.. tak kesah, if there's request for me to be someone I'm not, if that is ur request.. I try my best.. it painful bila something yang kita tak mampu buat adalah kemahuan people that matters most utk kita.. Kita try, and keep on trying but gone unnoticed.. bila kita mention, I did try.. feedback spt kata kita menunjuk kan sgt benda kita try padahal tak jadi or even more sedih kata kita tak cukup berusaha (padahal dah tried so hard)..
Perkara yang perlu aku perbaiki ialah belajar untuk tunjuk appreciation.. sebab skill tu cam aku lemah jer.. padahal aku hargai jer.. tahlaa, i need my time alone but ppl doesn't seem to get it.. truthfully, I need time utk wat keje, tenangkan fikiran, main game, tidur etc.. kerana sangat stressful menjadi Amir Rasyid.. mungkin aku tak pandai nak hepy go lucky, tapi gi mampos laa aku mmg org camni, tak suka, lekeh laa tgok aku? go fuck urself.. bengang gak kadang2..
Aku tahu org tak expect much dari aku bila aku down kan expectation org sebelum2 nih.. aku paham.. aku try nak jadi nice pasnih eventho aku terpaksa jadi hipokrit, aku tahu cara tuh.. dah biasa wat.. seperti made up stories mcm2 hanya pasal aku nak gunakan masa tu untuk tido ke main game ke baca komik.. I know u got problems, but I can't give u solution.. and u made me feel worthless.. thanks for that, if I have to treat u like I treat org I don't really like to make u feel that u mean the most to me.. fine.. I'll treat like org normal.. sopan.. k? but thats not me.. hope u love him.. cos u failed to love me.. its great to finally listen to ur clarification..
Birthday dah dekat, and aku taknak pape.. n wat2 busy supaya org paham.. watpe celebrate dgn kaum2 yg wish I'm someone else kan?
ps: aku takde kete, tak tinggi, tak pakai gigi besi, tak pandai, tak hensem, tak pandai tunjuk caring2 or sweet lancau sume tuh..
pps: nak gi mancing jumaat nih utk tenangkan fikiran.. gi mati dunia, aku mahu tenangkan jiwa dari ko sehari leh? tak leh gi mati!
